Retirement—-Off Topic

One of my coworkers announced he was retiring a few weeks ago.  And due to the fact he had moved to a different area some 5 years ago, I seldom saw him.  He came yesterday to see me and say goodbye.  I started to tear up, and realized from a previous co-workers retirement that I would never see him again.  So it was a corporate death.  I would no longer talk to him, see him, laugh with him.  I would have no more work “quality” time with part of my work family.  I cried and cried, and came home early.  He is a father like figure and is passing away out of my life and there is nothing I can do about it.  It is almost like death, the difference being he gets to play golf in his spare time while I am working, working….going on….as if he was never there.

The last time a co-worker retired was a little over 2 years ago.  This coworker I worked directly with everyday and had been in retirement mode for 5 years and did very little.  However, he broke my monotony and made me laugh.  When he left I cried for days.  And just as suspected I have not seen him since and hope I will run into him so I can hug him which is not allowed on the job.

So I am dealing with loss.  These people are in my life and suddenly are gone.  They are only in my work life, but now they are not there.  I am so happy for those that get to retire.  But inside my emotions are on the sad side.  Goodbyes are so hard.  I suppose this is all one sided as my sadness is a direct result of me thinking only of me.

Have any of you worked with someone who retired and it made you sad enough to cry on the job?  Did your melancholy last for days?  Or was it in the moment?  Am I weird for having these feelings?  Am I being narcissistic?  I have worked with other people who I did not bond with and therefore it did not bother me at all.  Is this the 6 degree part of life?  I thought it was just me being hormonal, but that is not due for sometime.  And of course while writing this in the comfort of my own home, it welled up again and the tears began.  The retirement aspect exhausts my emotions.

I will cry big time when it is my time to retire, if I make it.  So many people I will never see again.  Retirement is so final…..:(  Retirement is like a corporate death….:(


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